course, we love them. Somehow. The parents, siblings, uncles and aunts and the grandmother from Kiel, in short: the family. And yet we are afraid a little bit before each meeting, like now for Christmas. Why? Therapists recommend any event, "resigned maturity"
text STEFANIE ROSARY illustrations GERHARD HADERER
long straw stars are ironed, and the goose from Poland rests on the icy bottom of the freezer. Christmas is coming, and many people are again "in the company of their loved ones celebrate, as the saying goes.
But are the ones really love it?
But are the ones really love it?
we think any of us family and we call them storm. Let's say that in Bremen lives. Every time the 36 year-old banker Anna on 26 December her parents' home leave on the Weser, to drive back to Frankfurt, it swears "never again" She dreams of Mauritius, S
OUTH A FRICA, a deserted ski lodge in the Dolomites - and brings us back under the Christmas tree in Bremen. Because every time she calls her mother in mid-November to ask if she comes, she can hit wide.
Christmas with the storm, how it works: The widowed maternal grandmother is already on 1 December at her daughter because she finds that trips that take less than four week's pay does not. On 23 Annas appears three Older sister Christine with her husband and three sons and is greeted by the grandmother with the words: "God, how do you see already from again" At this time, Anna's mother has already moved a wreck and her father have been in their basement workshop, where can I watch it constantly € sport.
Anna's father, a lawyer by profession, comes from Cologne. "Ah, yes here comes the Rhine cheerful nature": If his mother sees him, she always says after 25 years, he can endure no more, now he's doing for Christmas just there as if he were not there. Hardly Christine has arrived, also the husband Jan stows away in the cellar. He is an art Joiner and the Grandmother just "the carpenter" called.
On 24 December coasts then an uncle Wilfred, the younger brother of Anna's mother and an absolute star of the grandmother. He is a doctor, lives in Bavaria and is perfect if there had not Aunt Anne, his beautiful woman, by her mother, however, only "the butcher's daughter referred to. Of herself she says she is "nutrition scientist. Grandma growls against: "It has only a pudding-levels, and then she studied ironing. Poor Wilfred! "
Christmas with the storm, how it works: The widowed maternal grandmother is already on 1 December at her daughter because she finds that trips that take less than four week's pay does not. On 23 Annas appears three Older sister Christine with her husband and three sons and is greeted by the grandmother with the words: "God, how do you see already from again" At this time, Anna's mother has already moved a wreck and her father have been in their basement workshop, where can I watch it constantly € sport.
Anna's father, a lawyer by profession, comes from Cologne. "Ah, yes here comes the Rhine cheerful nature": If his mother sees him, she always says after 25 years, he can endure no more, now he's doing for Christmas just there as if he were not there. Hardly Christine has arrived, also the husband Jan stows away in the cellar. He is an art Joiner and the Grandmother just "the carpenter" called.
On 24 December coasts then an uncle Wilfred, the younger brother of Anna's mother and an absolute star of the grandmother. He is a doctor, lives in Bavaria and is perfect if there had not Aunt Anne, his beautiful woman, by her mother, however, only "the butcher's daughter referred to. Of herself she says she is "nutrition scientist. Grandma growls against: "It has only a pudding-levels, and then she studied ironing. Poor Wilfred! "
comes at some point we also Anna, along with her Indian husband Atal, the investment bankers, and the five-year Daughter Kanika. To her granddaughter, the grandmother says: "But you have risen quite a bit." To her great-granddaughter she says. , "You've grown, Hanuta" What that says - "? Rabbits Kanuta have, your parents can not give any normal name." My name is Kanika "Then she saw Atal and is happy. Surprisingly, she loves Anna's husband, and he loves what is probably a sign that he understands only half of what it says.
If once everyone begins a kind of Bosnian war in the living room. From the outside, everything is wonderful: with devotion to Christmas carols sung, foremost, of course, "0 you happy" and finally "every year". Atal and Jan play Santa Claus and light the candles. Then there is a moment of true joy, gift giving. The door opens, and everyone is happy. Only a few minutes later turned the grandmother in Radovan Karadzic. The rest of the family is divided roughly equally in pursuing Bosnians and UNBlauhelmtruppen.
Granny: "Who gave me these horrible bags?" Uncle Wilfred, "has selected the Anneliese." Anne: "It's a travel bag from Mulberry real leather!" Grandma: "Thank you, Anne, I like no black. But never mind, that my cleaning lady can carry the empty bottle to the container. "
If once everyone begins a kind of Bosnian war in the living room. From the outside, everything is wonderful: with devotion to Christmas carols sung, foremost, of course, "0 you happy" and finally "every year". Atal and Jan play Santa Claus and light the candles. Then there is a moment of true joy, gift giving. The door opens, and everyone is happy. Only a few minutes later turned the grandmother in Radovan Karadzic. The rest of the family is divided roughly equally in pursuing Bosnians and UNBlauhelmtruppen.
Granny: "Who gave me these horrible bags?" Uncle Wilfred, "has selected the Anneliese." Anne: "It's a travel bag from Mulberry real leather!" Grandma: "Thank you, Anne, I like no black. But never mind, that my cleaning lady can carry the empty bottle to the container. "
Anna and Christine's father opened a sideshow. In view of the Nintendo, which got the grandsons, he notes, "I will not say anything, but your children read never really a book?" Christine: "We are just not an academic budget." Her father: "What's that mean now? "-" Yes, because who would want that I will be a physiotherapist? "- We have never forced up to something" - No, not ". But Anna was allowed to study economics! ! And besides, we do not broadcast all day € Sport
Since Grandma grätscht new items: "Look what I got from Adrian" Adrian is the gay son of Wilfred and Anne and Grandma's favorite grandchild, who can but for years no longer look at family celebrations. The ecstatic grandmother swung a paperback book titled "Fulda Rhön-Werra: cycling in the heart of Germany" and says stirred: "The good boy" Wilfred, who long ago by his son because of his sexual orientation away, has asked: "Since when are you leaving wheel? He has certainly bought somewhere in the junk. "Grandma:" And what you have given me, "Wilfried?. 'Small World' by Martin Suter. "Anna:" This is a great book, a thriller about Alzheimer's. "Grandma, in a trembling voice:" A book about Alzheimer's? At my age? If you get nothing sacred? It has chosen Anne! "
What Wilfried subtracting watch Anna's father in tow, euro sport, and Anne is in the kitchen to hineinzuweinen in the sink. Christine Anna: "Grandma's funeral will be great." Anna's mother, "but now think of you, Children! Soon it is the goose. Let us all once again look at the tree. Is not he wonderful "
Granted: Not all fall to the Clause thus establishes each other like the storm. And it is in families fortunately rarely so dramatically as in the moderately happy household of Greek gods Cronus and Rhea: and she bore her husband five children, Cronus swallowed immediately after birth. The sixth was a son named Zeus, who was hidden by his mother, survived and deposed his father, calling him banished for all eternity. After all, he is not emasculated him with a sickle, as Kronos had once done with Zeus' grandfather Uranus.
come too the least the idea of her pesky younger brother simply to kill, this unpleasant fate befell Abel, who was stashed away out of jealousy of Cain. Yet many siblings are rivals for life, joined together in an intimate love-hate relationship. Who is first born feels, often as the late Swedish director Ingmar Bergman: "I am four years old, and a fat, misshapen person suddenly playing the lead role," he recalled in his memoirs to the birth of his sister. Then he thought long and hard about "how to kill the vile creature in many ways."
Who comes last, the other hand, can endure it as the 47 year old lawyer, Sven, whose three years older brother is an engineer. "I could surprise my parents again, they have in everything I did, actually, only yawned. I took high school, my brother had made a better school. I went to Thailand, he had now been in Greenland. I lived in an apartment in Tubingen, he had lived in a commune in California. Now I am earning a partner in a large law firm and a lot more money than my brother. The still says to me: 'Well, Small' And my father is still viewed: "Take a lesson from him '" And who has banned the fate in the middle, who believes! sometimes into old age, he always come short.
also the relationship with the grandparents is not always an intimate affection. Some of us, as those who just grandpa's 75th Birthday behind them, can only be glad that is not as rich as formerly, the American oil tycoon Jean Paul Getty, so that no one wants to kidnap her. The Getty's grandson was kidnapped in 1973 in Rome, the Patriarch refused at first to pay the ransom. Not until months later an envelope arrived with the ear of the 16-year-old with an Italian newspaper and the kidnappers threatened to send portions behind the rest of the teenager who borrowed the stingy Senior's son and asked for the millions of four per cent interest.
Unfortunately it happens in very few families, as in "our little farm," namely, God-fearing and always harmonious. Of course, we love our parents and siblings somehow, and sometimes Grandma Adelaide, despite its terrible smell, and even Uncle Justus, even though the sticks together in his spare time, the Leaning Tower of Pisa made of matches. But at the same time, almost every Mischpoke also a breeding ground of insanity, and apart from the religion, the only socially sanctioned form of madness.
As advised seating arrangements at weddings to diplomatic high wire acts, which do not always succeed. "They So hot Maik "asks Aunt Hiltraut their table Lord. "Then you will surely come from the east and are related to the groom. Because this is a name that no one knows us. Have you worked for the Stasi "Later, after Maik's disappearances, she says offended"? It is surely must still ask "
Sometimes the marriages be omitted entirely, from family-psychological reasons. "The last time I saw my parents together, was sawed on the night 25 years ago, when my father's marriage bed," says the 37-year-old Jochen. "I think the fear that could repeat it, it keeps me from to marry my girlfriend. "His fear is not unjustified. Because the family is the matrix of our identity, and by what scientists call "Transmission" and "delegation" is one generation patterns and values to the next and no matter how destructive or stuffy. Or they unconsciously delegated orders to offspring which are then to some extent determined by others. They will meet expectations and wishes of their parents who could not realize this, and fight sometimes for a lifetime of struggles that are not theirs.
families are bizarre structures, where even happy events as the birth of their first grandchild may be for hardness testing. "I waited until the fourth month to tell my mother that I'm pregnant," says Katrin. Their response exceeded even her worst expectations: "After the birth, I'm coming," she exulted. "The best equal to one month! Because then you need help and protection "
the rest of her pregnancy Katrina spent pondering how they could lay their single mother to my heart to come as only very briefly without it being too hurt. "It's only me. When I finally called it then, I had almost labor. , A Week is completely mum. " - If you mean, 'she said and hung up offended "
took 24 hours later, Katrin a little boy to the world, and soon not only their over-anxious mother sat next to the bassinet, but the mother, a nature-loving anthroposophist.. When the baby cried for more than ten minutes, said one: "I think you should go now but in the emergency room." Then the other: "Shut up, just bloating. I brought four children into the world. Give it here, we massaged the little guy now gently back. "The shouting then even more. The one: "At least you should call the Children's Hospital "The other:" I think you it will not put on properly "One". Perhaps it cold, "The other:" Nonsense, he's dressed too warm "After two days. Katrina ready to leave her husband and son to escape just about the Furies, which both felt awfully good to her.
also probate can make a consolation in a moment of the death of beloved deceased just yet. Even the biggest environmentalists is deeply offended when he learns that rich uncle Alfred left his entire assets Greenpeace, the house on Sardinia's little sister and the three apartment buildings in Dusseldorf's cousin from Jena, while himself was concerned only with his stamp collection as well as 71 tattered books of Karl May.
is nevertheless the peculiar group of human beings which, with which and in which we all are well, at every opportunity beweihräuchert and emotionally overloaded. That was not always so. The word "family" comes from Latin, meaning "household" and was derived from "famulus" in German, "the house slave". Meant was the "familia" plain all the property of a man: his wife, his offspring, his slave, his freedmen, his cattle.
Later the family was mainly put on a great economic knot in which parents and their children in return of them were later supplied. In many cultures it is still there. But with the rise of the bourgeoisie as it was in the West end of the 18th Century rapidly transfigured into a sense of unity: Father, mother and children should now not only ensure a functioning working group, the rearing of offspring and the increase of wealth, but also heat each other, comfort, security, harmony, and give particular luck. That this does not always works, we know of Ewing family of Dallas, from family man Lübeck, of The Flintstones in the Stone Age, of Windsor family from London, from Duck family from Duckburg. And from personal experience.
And yet: whether toilet paper, pasta, dried soups or washing powder, they come in promotional films of all without happy families, mostly from two dearest children - sporty and musical, spunky, but also thoughtful - made along with a cuddly Labrador. Again great comical around in homes that combine the best of Villa Lofts Kunterbunt and noble, while their fathers and mothers and their adorable silver-haired grandparents lovingly dedicated to growing them and this mountain of toilet paper, pasta, Packet soups, cars and washing powder consumption.
family is apart from the religion, the only socially sanctioned form of madness
Since Grandma grätscht new items: "Look what I got from Adrian" Adrian is the gay son of Wilfred and Anne and Grandma's favorite grandchild, who can but for years no longer look at family celebrations. The ecstatic grandmother swung a paperback book titled "Fulda Rhön-Werra: cycling in the heart of Germany" and says stirred: "The good boy" Wilfred, who long ago by his son because of his sexual orientation away, has asked: "Since when are you leaving wheel? He has certainly bought somewhere in the junk. "Grandma:" And what you have given me, "Wilfried?. 'Small World' by Martin Suter. "Anna:" This is a great book, a thriller about Alzheimer's. "Grandma, in a trembling voice:" A book about Alzheimer's? At my age? If you get nothing sacred? It has chosen Anne! "
What Wilfried subtracting watch Anna's father in tow, euro sport, and Anne is in the kitchen to hineinzuweinen in the sink. Christine Anna: "Grandma's funeral will be great." Anna's mother, "but now think of you, Children! Soon it is the goose. Let us all once again look at the tree. Is not he wonderful "
Granted: Not all fall to the Clause thus establishes each other like the storm. And it is in families fortunately rarely so dramatically as in the moderately happy household of Greek gods Cronus and Rhea: and she bore her husband five children, Cronus swallowed immediately after birth. The sixth was a son named Zeus, who was hidden by his mother, survived and deposed his father, calling him banished for all eternity. After all, he is not emasculated him with a sickle, as Kronos had once done with Zeus' grandfather Uranus.
come too the least the idea of her pesky younger brother simply to kill, this unpleasant fate befell Abel, who was stashed away out of jealousy of Cain. Yet many siblings are rivals for life, joined together in an intimate love-hate relationship. Who is first born feels, often as the late Swedish director Ingmar Bergman: "I am four years old, and a fat, misshapen person suddenly playing the lead role," he recalled in his memoirs to the birth of his sister. Then he thought long and hard about "how to kill the vile creature in many ways."
Who comes last, the other hand, can endure it as the 47 year old lawyer, Sven, whose three years older brother is an engineer. "I could surprise my parents again, they have in everything I did, actually, only yawned. I took high school, my brother had made a better school. I went to Thailand, he had now been in Greenland. I lived in an apartment in Tubingen, he had lived in a commune in California. Now I am earning a partner in a large law firm and a lot more money than my brother. The still says to me: 'Well, Small' And my father is still viewed: "Take a lesson from him '" And who has banned the fate in the middle, who believes! sometimes into old age, he always come short.
also the relationship with the grandparents is not always an intimate affection. Some of us, as those who just grandpa's 75th Birthday behind them, can only be glad that is not as rich as formerly, the American oil tycoon Jean Paul Getty, so that no one wants to kidnap her. The Getty's grandson was kidnapped in 1973 in Rome, the Patriarch refused at first to pay the ransom. Not until months later an envelope arrived with the ear of the 16-year-old with an Italian newspaper and the kidnappers threatened to send portions behind the rest of the teenager who borrowed the stingy Senior's son and asked for the millions of four per cent interest.
Unfortunately it happens in very few families, as in "our little farm," namely, God-fearing and always harmonious. Of course, we love our parents and siblings somehow, and sometimes Grandma Adelaide, despite its terrible smell, and even Uncle Justus, even though the sticks together in his spare time, the Leaning Tower of Pisa made of matches. But at the same time, almost every Mischpoke also a breeding ground of insanity, and apart from the religion, the only socially sanctioned form of madness.
As advised seating arrangements at weddings to diplomatic high wire acts, which do not always succeed. "They So hot Maik "asks Aunt Hiltraut their table Lord. "Then you will surely come from the east and are related to the groom. Because this is a name that no one knows us. Have you worked for the Stasi "Later, after Maik's disappearances, she says offended"? It is surely must still ask "
Sometimes the marriages be omitted entirely, from family-psychological reasons. "The last time I saw my parents together, was sawed on the night 25 years ago, when my father's marriage bed," says the 37-year-old Jochen. "I think the fear that could repeat it, it keeps me from to marry my girlfriend. "His fear is not unjustified. Because the family is the matrix of our identity, and by what scientists call "Transmission" and "delegation" is one generation patterns and values to the next and no matter how destructive or stuffy. Or they unconsciously delegated orders to offspring which are then to some extent determined by others. They will meet expectations and wishes of their parents who could not realize this, and fight sometimes for a lifetime of struggles that are not theirs.
families are bizarre structures, where even happy events as the birth of their first grandchild may be for hardness testing. "I waited until the fourth month to tell my mother that I'm pregnant," says Katrin. Their response exceeded even her worst expectations: "After the birth, I'm coming," she exulted. "The best equal to one month! Because then you need help and protection "
the rest of her pregnancy Katrina spent pondering how they could lay their single mother to my heart to come as only very briefly without it being too hurt. "It's only me. When I finally called it then, I had almost labor. , A Week is completely mum. " - If you mean, 'she said and hung up offended "
took 24 hours later, Katrin a little boy to the world, and soon not only their over-anxious mother sat next to the bassinet, but the mother, a nature-loving anthroposophist.. When the baby cried for more than ten minutes, said one: "I think you should go now but in the emergency room." Then the other: "Shut up, just bloating. I brought four children into the world. Give it here, we massaged the little guy now gently back. "The shouting then even more. The one: "At least you should call the Children's Hospital "The other:" I think you it will not put on properly "One". Perhaps it cold, "The other:" Nonsense, he's dressed too warm "After two days. Katrina ready to leave her husband and son to escape just about the Furies, which both felt awfully good to her.
also probate can make a consolation in a moment of the death of beloved deceased just yet. Even the biggest environmentalists is deeply offended when he learns that rich uncle Alfred left his entire assets Greenpeace, the house on Sardinia's little sister and the three apartment buildings in Dusseldorf's cousin from Jena, while himself was concerned only with his stamp collection as well as 71 tattered books of Karl May.
is nevertheless the peculiar group of human beings which, with which and in which we all are well, at every opportunity beweihräuchert and emotionally overloaded. That was not always so. The word "family" comes from Latin, meaning "household" and was derived from "famulus" in German, "the house slave". Meant was the "familia" plain all the property of a man: his wife, his offspring, his slave, his freedmen, his cattle.
Later the family was mainly put on a great economic knot in which parents and their children in return of them were later supplied. In many cultures it is still there. But with the rise of the bourgeoisie as it was in the West end of the 18th Century rapidly transfigured into a sense of unity: Father, mother and children should now not only ensure a functioning working group, the rearing of offspring and the increase of wealth, but also heat each other, comfort, security, harmony, and give particular luck. That this does not always works, we know of Ewing family of Dallas, from family man Lübeck, of The Flintstones in the Stone Age, of Windsor family from London, from Duck family from Duckburg. And from personal experience.
And yet: whether toilet paper, pasta, dried soups or washing powder, they come in promotional films of all without happy families, mostly from two dearest children - sporty and musical, spunky, but also thoughtful - made along with a cuddly Labrador. Again great comical around in homes that combine the best of Villa Lofts Kunterbunt and noble, while their fathers and mothers and their adorable silver-haired grandparents lovingly dedicated to growing them and this mountain of toilet paper, pasta, Packet soups, cars and washing powder consumption.
The family is as it were a protected species, namely, according to article six of the Basic Law "under the special protection of the state." It was "the fundamental unit of society", so you learn it in school. And if you hold a holiday with parents and in-laws behind it - "So you are bowling on a regular basis? How interesting. So we would rather play bridge! And what are you reading? Rosamunde Pilcher? Yes, I have heard of her. I just read, Dreams from My Father 'by Barack Obama, a fascinating book, I would gladly To borrow, but unfortunately it is in English, you do not understand so well, or -?, Surprised one of the sad state of society not at all.
Hartz IV? Middle East conflict? Afghanistan? Darfur? Climate change? Debt may have only the family at all. One is almost inclined to be Marxist and to advocate for their removal.
But all pertinent tests so far have failed. Even in the kibbutz education was abolished in the group long ago and since then there can not only Every Friday evening, all family members about chicken soup and gefilte fish accuse each other that they had ruined the lives of each other, but every day.
"All the families and marriages have an irreconcilable conflict, namely that between freedom and constraint, between independence and the desire for security," said psychologist and couples therapist * Arnold Retzer, who manages the Systemic Institute in Heidelberg. "If you want to solve it, they may have problems." He argues for more rational. "Reason is, if you think anyway, and leave out impossible things in a relationship. These are perhaps the idea of the manufacturability of happiness and the idea that all problems would be solved. For the attempt to solve an unsolvable problem, a bigger problem than the problem at the end in itself "
Retzer recommends". Whistle on luck! Enjoy instead the large area of the banality of goodness, lies between happiness and unhappiness, "and points out that the situation" not so bad. "
Although steals one in the face of more than hundred professional journals on the topic "family" and a planetary army of therapists who care only about her, feel that the simple biological Fact that all people have a mother and a father, long since become a case for the department is closed.
However, the patient lives, the people getting married and having children. "60 percent of all adult Germans live in a marriage, and 70 percent are satisfied with it even, and often for decades," said Retzer. Of course, the family would hand a "hopelessly overvalued in the idea that must prevail in their equality, justice and happiness." At the same time but "it is until further notice of the place where you get what you found anywhere else, namely gathering, consistency and reliability, and that time limit. For the family there is no alternative. "To enjoy it, but had" resigned maturity "required.
from which most of us are unfortunately light years away. Since we have studied physics, theology or law - our relatives, we can transform the speed of lightning morons. Nowhere is the sense remains on track as quickly as within the "closest social circle," as experts call the family. And in favor of the stupid nature.
The word "family is derived from" famulus "," house slave "
Hartz IV? Middle East conflict? Afghanistan? Darfur? Climate change? Debt may have only the family at all. One is almost inclined to be Marxist and to advocate for their removal.
But all pertinent tests so far have failed. Even in the kibbutz education was abolished in the group long ago and since then there can not only Every Friday evening, all family members about chicken soup and gefilte fish accuse each other that they had ruined the lives of each other, but every day.
"All the families and marriages have an irreconcilable conflict, namely that between freedom and constraint, between independence and the desire for security," said psychologist and couples therapist * Arnold Retzer, who manages the Systemic Institute in Heidelberg. "If you want to solve it, they may have problems." He argues for more rational. "Reason is, if you think anyway, and leave out impossible things in a relationship. These are perhaps the idea of the manufacturability of happiness and the idea that all problems would be solved. For the attempt to solve an unsolvable problem, a bigger problem than the problem at the end in itself "
Retzer recommends". Whistle on luck! Enjoy instead the large area of the banality of goodness, lies between happiness and unhappiness, "and points out that the situation" not so bad. "
Although steals one in the face of more than hundred professional journals on the topic "family" and a planetary army of therapists who care only about her, feel that the simple biological Fact that all people have a mother and a father, long since become a case for the department is closed.
However, the patient lives, the people getting married and having children. "60 percent of all adult Germans live in a marriage, and 70 percent are satisfied with it even, and often for decades," said Retzer. Of course, the family would hand a "hopelessly overvalued in the idea that must prevail in their equality, justice and happiness." At the same time but "it is until further notice of the place where you get what you found anywhere else, namely gathering, consistency and reliability, and that time limit. For the family there is no alternative. "To enjoy it, but had" resigned maturity "required.
from which most of us are unfortunately light years away. Since we have studied physics, theology or law - our relatives, we can transform the speed of lightning morons. Nowhere is the sense remains on track as quickly as within the "closest social circle," as experts call the family. And in favor of the stupid nature.
writes about the family, the sociologist Rainer Paris in such a wonderful essay on how much scientific "Mercury" one of its basic elements are related cases in which any negative reaction will be sanctioned and the person can resolve the dilemma by either meta or by leaving the field of action. " One example is the law that gives the woman her son's birthday two sweaters. When they announced a few weeks later to visit, draws the daughter-in on one of them. Even before the welcome prevails-in-law to her: "The other you do not like you!"
This type of "double-bind communication" - no matter what one does, it is fundamentally wrong - is "more common in families before than you think, "said Manfred Cieri, psychiatrist and medical director of the Institute of Psychosomatic Cooperation Research and Family Therapy at the University Hospital of Heidelberg.
"The idea that you can never make it to the other right out, sometimes to the fact that it is absolutely mad," he says. "For the system of relations in which we grow up, is a part of us, and these experiences lead to neuronal connections in the brain. We are somewhat interconnected. "The family consisted of" primary attachment figures. It is the network that carries one, they are a security and protection, it allows regression, that is, that one sometimes can let go. And even if not one with, one hopes for life, that could change. "
As many hope in vain. Anna storm will go again this year to Bremen. The Christmas gift for her grandmother, she has already bought, "The Godfather" on DVD, part one to three. The Corleone family solve their problems Sicilian, at the end of the rows are cleared.
This type of "double-bind communication" - no matter what one does, it is fundamentally wrong - is "more common in families before than you think, "said Manfred Cieri, psychiatrist and medical director of the Institute of Psychosomatic Cooperation Research and Family Therapy at the University Hospital of Heidelberg.
"The idea that you can never make it to the other right out, sometimes to the fact that it is absolutely mad," he says. "For the system of relations in which we grow up, is a part of us, and these experiences lead to neuronal connections in the brain. We are somewhat interconnected. "The family consisted of" primary attachment figures. It is the network that carries one, they are a security and protection, it allows regression, that is, that one sometimes can let go. And even if not one with, one hopes for life, that could change. "
As many hope in vain. Anna storm will go again this year to Bremen. The Christmas gift for her grandmother, she has already bought, "The Godfather" on DVD, part one to three. The Corleone family solve their problems Sicilian, at the end of the rows are cleared.
employees: Takis strangler
* Arnold Retzer: "In praise of marriage," S. Fischer Verlag, 304 pages. 18.95 €
from the star No. 52, 12/17/2009
